I Won't Let You Fall Apart
by amor-remanet
Summary: What happened when John came home in Flagstaff, after Sam ran away. ANGST, pre-slash/slashy gen, child abuse  physical; abusive!John , hurt/comfort, references to alcoholism, some suicidal ideation.


Something burns in the air as the '67 Impala heads down the two-lane Arizona road, hurtling toward the run-down house where the only source of light is a fire started with old newspapers, in a garbage can. Several miles away, in a house that, by all appearances, is more together, an eleven-year-old boy with dark brown hair and glimmering blue eyes peers out the window, as if expecting someone to storm by and drag him away, even though, for the past four days, no one's done so. Instead, he sees a Golden Retriever wandering across the lawn, with a bone in its mouth, and he perks up. Leaning out the front door, he holds his hand out and calls, "Hey, boy. Hey!" The dog drops its bone and comes running to him; the boy says that his name is Sam, dubs the dog "Bones," and leads him inside, where they play together, then curl up in the darkness to sleep. Castiel spreads his wings and flies on the wind, heading the car off, watching over the house from a perch in a nearby tree.

In his long time spent serving the Lord away from Home, Castiel has had many posts assigned to him, and he cannot say that following around the Winchesters — two boys and their father — ranks even remotely near the top of his favourites. At present, Dean, the elder of the boys, aged fifteen, sits on a decrepit sofa, spinning the cylinder of a revolver, cocking the hammer, and then firing an empty chamber at the wall; the slow, heavy sound clangs like a heartbeat. The world does not, insofar as Castiel knows, rest on the shoulders of these boys and their father. There's a bigger picture to consider — more elements of his Father's Creation to protect — but he does not question this task or its necessity. His superiors asked it of him, and so it must be important.

And so, he watches. He sees Dean slide two bullets into the cylinder, and peering into Dean's thoughts, Castiel hears the thought that it would be better to die than face his father, when the man comes home. He feels Dean's resentment, the unuttered curses at how his father didn't just take him and Sam along on this hunt, how this hunt shouldn't have required leaving him and Sam alone, how he tried to keep his brother in line but they shouldn't have to go to school anyway. Moving too quickly for human eyes to see, Castiel wills the inner barrel of the gun to clog with filth enough that, when Dean puts it in his mouth, cocks and pulls the trigger, it jams up. Though he imagines that he could have done better, were he inhabiting a vessel and capable of doing more than simply influencing inanimate objects, Castiel relaxes somewhat, seeing that he's foiled Dean's half-hearted attempt on his own life. Losing one of his charges to Hell — especially by his hand, and not by some other fate — would have counted as a considerable failure — but the calm does not last long.

As the Impala pulls up into the driveway, headlights shining into the living room, Dean freezes up. Sweat-soaked, John Winchester turns off his car and storms into the house, calling out, "Boys! …Dean! Sammy!" The scent of whisky follows him, emanating from his mouth and from the bottle that he brings in with him. Following the light, he rounds into the living room, sets the bottle on the floor, and demands of Dean, "Where's Sam?"

Castiel hears the trembling in Dean's voice as he faces his father and tells him everything — "It was on Wednesday, and we were supposed to walk back from school together like always, but Sammy made a break for it, and I tried to chase him, Dad, I did, but he just took off, and I've looked _everywhere_ for him, but I can't…" — and Castiel hears the backhand slap cut through the night. He flinches at the sight of John's fist nearly missing Dean's eye, and forces himself to look back at the scene in time to see father grab son by the jacket and bestow on the boy a thump on the back of the head. For all Castiel wants to look away, he knows better than to do so. That would be a show of apprehension — something that angels cannot afford to have, especially when dealing with their Father's people, these fragile creatures. Powerless to stop the scene before him, Castiel only watches — he sees the punch that connects with Dean's jaw, the jerk of an arm that strains (but doesn't quite dislocate) Dean's shoulder, all the blows that give rise to bruises, which, when Dean returns to school on Monday, he will explain without his usual false bravado.

Dean runs out of the house to his father's threat, "Don't you dare come back without your brother," and, moving on the wind again, Castiel follows the boy as he runs down the road. He follows Dean as he keeps running, despite the pain that shoots up his left leg, from where his father kicked him with a steel-toed boot, and for the first time he can recall, Castiel wishes that he could simply slip into his vessel for the evening, for just long enough to tell Dean Winchester that everything proceeds according to the Lord's plan, that these challenges only find him to make him stronger, and that he doesn't need to think himself weak because of the tears he can't help letting out, now that John isn't here to judge him or insult him. Another human, Castiel thinks, would have some ritual for helping Dean — Castiel can only watch…

…and, it occurs to the angel, lead Dean somewhere safe. Sending a warm breeze rustling through over the road, he directs Dean's attention to a bridge, not half a mile off from where he stands. Dean proceeds toward it, and although it gets too close to overstepping his bounds, Castiel brightens the nearest streetlamp, illuminating a place where Dean can sleep. As the boy lays his head down on his balled up jacket, Castiel brands a seal of protection on the cement above them, and as Dean closes his eyes and drifts away to dreams that can't be good, Castiel keeps a close watch.

Tomorrow morning, Dean will return to his father, whether or not Castiel has to lead him there, whether or not John comes looking for his elder son once he's sobered up. Together, they will look for Sam, and while they search, John will mutter apology after apology for tonight's behaviour; all of these, Dean will accept without question, rationalizing that his father loves him and their life is stressful, and sometimes, things like this just happen. But, for now, when Dean twitches with a powerful nightmare, all he has is Castiel, and Castiel warms up the underpass in lieu of an embrace.


End file.
